Ok this is the newly edited chapters 1 and 2 of my latest novel I am writing. It is not for everyone and it is just in its infancy at this stage. The premise is a man who has lived a life thus far but finds at age 48 he really does have a need for murder at an insatiable rate, but he is also a husband and father.
Its based on my life and you get to see and feel what Charles feels first hand. It is a ride where you hear his thoughts as he goes through life, which parts are true and what is not that's the question. We all have a Dalk Half if you believe Stephen King.
Chapter 1 – Getting to know you
Ok so I am not used to doing this but I saw somewhere on television that talking about things and your feelings makes it easier to understand and it relieves the pressure you feel during the day. Dr Phil maybe or I might have seen it on Ellen, never mind.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am not at all happy about what I just did! But if there is something I have learnt today, it’s that sometimes you’re thoughts get the better of you and you react in a way that you normally wouldn’t do. In other words you suppress your natural urges all day every day. But I just exercised my right to do what I wanted to do instead of pretending and well now I have a small problem.
I didn’t even know her name, Look at her, pretty little thing even if she was a touch messed up from drugs and possibly a shit upbringing with daddy issues, but she is now what I am going to call number one.
Number one is Blonde, well bleached blond, cute and young, the oral sex was rushed, but that’s understandable considering we are in my car, the only real problem that I can see before me is that I have my DNA sitting in her mouth, throat and stomach.
But hang on a minute; I should not get too far ahead of myself.
My name is Charles Davies; I’m forty eight years of age as of my last birthday which is today, happy birthday to me. I am your average white suburban male of moderate upbringing nothing amazing about me except I have great job, a beautiful wife and two amazing daughters.
I have been successful this far in my life, in many ways. Sport, love, family, all fairly modest and nothing stand out. Maybe that’s the problem! I have had such an average life so far. But again I am getting ahead of myself, let me try and explain what my life has been like up to now. That way we can get to know each other before the real me kicks in.
I grew up in a new suburb in Adelaide, and was born on the sixth of July nineteen sixty four. Yes at the end of the baby boomers and the beginning of the new Generation X.
My father was a hard man, nothing like the mild old fella he is today. He used to lump wheat bags for a living at fifteen over on the west coast of South Australia in the fifties. Back then you were a man at sixteen and drinking hard as well as playing hard. The country taught him one lesson, be hard and take only that which belongs to you. It also taught him that if you did anything wrong you got the shit kicked out of you by the other lads.
The reason he was there was because his father had died when he was just a baby and being the youngest of seven children meant he had to earn his keep, and support himself and help his mother. Now I knew my grandmother quite well and she took no shit from anyone and was a tough old Irish lass.
He did this for years until at twenty he met my mother and married her before she could get away. My mother god rest her soul was my only real soul mate and she also came from a quite disruptive upbringing.
Her own mother died at an early age in Burra, a small mining town a couple of hours north of Adelaide. At just six years of age she was uprooted to live with her grandmother in Wallaroo, a small town east of Burra, as her father was a drunken womanizer and wanted nothing to do with the child.
After ten amazing years with her grandmother learning about life and generally growing up with her values she passing away from cancer leaving the just sixteen year old to fend for herself in a small country town with little or no support and no real prospects of her own.
It’s no wonder when a tall suntanned smooth talking stranger came to town one evening she latched onto the old man and they were then engaged at nineteen and married just a year later.
She always told me it was because he had a sports car that she married him because she thought he had money.
Some seven years later I was born into what was, for lack of a better term, a middle class family. I am the younger of two boys, my brother a full two years older than I am, but he is about eight inches shorter and started going bald at twenty five. Me on the other hand stand now at six feet three inches in my sox and have most of my hair except that it’s a tad grey, but I was born with the best weapon of all, a charming smile and gentle disposition. I learnt pretty much from the first day I had to communicate with those around me as a child I knew was different.
I was a large child both in size and stature, and by the time I could run around and put boots on, I was being honed by my father as the footballer he could never be. Not that American Gridiron or Soccer, but good old hard hitting head down Aussie rules football.
Woops, I should slow down again I am going too fast.
It was at the age of four, I realized that I had a penis, and I loved this floppy yet at times hard piece of skin. It was singularly the most fascinating appendage I had, and I would rub it on anything I could find, I found the texture of the carpet under my bed was the best place, but I would love the feeling so much I would sometimes rub my willy (as mum called it) raw, and trying to explain to mum what happened was an exercise in me learning at the tender and young age of just four to lie.
Mum wasn’t stupid, but she was confused as to why I was so sexually active at such an early age. I remember her having conversations with other mums and doctors thinking that I had no idea what she was talking about, but it seemed I was a bit of an enigma.
I fell in love with girls and their beautiful cotton panties in grade one at my very first day at primary school, at the tender age of five, and still to this day have the fetish that has served me well through all these years. I didn’t matter the size or shape I loved them all.
I was sent smiling off to the headmasters’ office at age six for lifting girls’ dresses at school, he too was perplexed but had seen almost everything in his fifteen years at the school as a teacher and now headmaster and he let me off with a warning not to do it again. (Yeah right)
If I remember rightly it was at this time I had my first real dark thought about women in general, tying them up so I could lift up their dresses and look at their beautiful panties at my leisure.
It would be another five years until my first wet dream that I still remember fondly, and with a smile, I still use this memory to this day when I masturbate sometimes.
It goes a little like this:
I am a millionaire and have the most beautiful girls all around me in shiny gold bikinis that have had the area where the nipples are cut away and exposed. The bottoms also had the crotch open and exposed so I could see all the parts I wanted to and still see the material pulled taught around the amazing buttocks. I was allowed to look but because I had no idea at such a young age what the bits were actually for I could not touch. That addition to my dream came a few years later when I realized what they were for by looking at magazines my brother had hidden away from our parents.
By the next stage in my life I was playing football every chance I had and being the tallest kid for my age I was always a ruckman, for those who don’t know Aussie rules, the big guy in the centre that jumps for the ball. Sort of like a tip off in basketball but with full contact.
I was pretty good at it too, and I continued playing at the highest levels for my age for many years to come, captaining winning teams in multiple premierships being bestowed best and fairest trophies for my efforts and multiple requests from clubs to come and play for them.
At twelve years of age, being six foot tall and weighing eighty kilograms I was to the outside world an adult. My body had developed at an alarming rate and I was now masturbating at such a rate of knots, my mother could not clean my sheets enough.
I always had these dark thoughts of sex and control in my mind, more passive still at this young stage as I had never seen a naked woman in the flesh and really only the scantily clothed babes on “The Benny Hill Show” which was on before I went to bed, which more often than not was a bonus for me.
Although I was a large I was quiet, some said I was a shy gentle boy, good at school and sport but no real luck with the ladies, I knew the facts, I was a fat kid and so overbearingly tall that this led me to look intimidating to my teachers, let alone girls my own age.
At the age of ten I had one of the grade six boys’ tease me on what must have been a bad day, and as well as hurling abuse at me, he tried to kick me as he was showing off to his friends calling me a freak and fatso all at the same time, well I was no longer the quiet kid, the gentle giant.
I cracked, five years of teasing and bullying hit a climax that day and all I could hear were torments and jibes, kids laughing and pointing at the weak fat kid. As he lashed out with his foot I grabbed it in mid air, the next couple of minutes seemed to stop in my mind and in what was an eternity of thinking and hurt I tossed him in the air like a rag doll and waited until he hit the ground. Complete silence was now the only sound; I could hear my heart beet as well as the sounds of several sharp intakes of breath as the others watched on in amazement.
Once he was down and winded I jumped on top, pinned his arms with my knees and punched him over and over. Rage took over my body and I grabbed this unfortunate boys head and smashing it into the ground, over and over.
It took two teachers and three students to get me off him, I really couldn’t remember much after that, except my trip to the headmasters’ office and the phone call home to my mother.
The neatly dressed master looked at me and shook his head, then he very softly took my hand and said, “It’s done now, you have that out of your system, let’s not do that again, ok Charles?”
I smiled and I knew what he meant, I was the biggest kid in school and even most of the teachers were not as big as I was, so I made him a promise that I would do my best not to hurt anyone ever again, unless it was for the betterment of the school football team, he smiled and let me go home early. The other kids stood up for me and said I was just looking out for myself and that the other kid acted first. The difference was I went home in a car with my mum; the other kid was in an ambulance.
When my father got home from work he rushed over to me, and stuck a five dollar note in my hand and said “well done son, I hope you hurt him good?”
Mum was just worried that I had turned, and I would use my size for evil and not good but I promised her I would not as she brushed away a tear, realizing I was no longer her little boy, but a rapidly maturing young man.
My one girl friend and friend being the operative word through my entire journey from childhood to adolescence, was an amazing creature called Lisa.
Now Lisa was the cutest and most beautiful creature on the face of the planet and the fact we would muck around and she let me touch her arse and boobs was just that we had fun, but we were mates so nothing more ever happened.
She fed my fetishes because we were mates and I would follow her home on our bikes and watch as her dress flapped around in the breeze to reveal her flower print panties, go home and jack off so hard it hurt in the shower. When soap gets in the eye of your penis it hurts girls!
As I say Lisa was the love of my life, but only plutonic and she allowed me to be me with all my weird fetishes, size, and needs. She would allow me to do and see things that kept me calm and in a way, I know I was being used by her in a symbiotic relationship because I worshiped the ground she walked on.
Her home life was crap and her mother struggled with a second husband that tried to get it on with Lisa and she was now living with her grandmother because of it. I think In a way I was the love she sort out from her non-existent family life, I was her friend, her protector and she knew I would never do anything to hurt her, but we lost contact after primary school and I still to this day miss her dearly.
High school for me though was an amazing place, there were short skirts and boobs everywhere it was the seventies and hems were high as well as the support bras the girls wore. But alas I was still a fatty and now at just over six feet tall I was taller than all of my teachers.
I blended in well, a good student and sportsman with major positions on the football and cricket teams as well as the state shot-put champion; I was a as always a valued member of the sporting fraternity within the school.
It didn’t seem to matter that I was fat or large; it was almost revered by some that we would win matches and ultimately premierships and flags at the end of the year.
Still no luck with the ladies but hey, I was too busy with sport, with training and playing taking up to six days a week. This went on for another two and a half years, and then out of the blue almost, something happened to me on my fifteenth birthday.
I shot up and hit six feet three and lost a stack of weight almost overnight. I had muscles that must have been lurking under all the fat and a physique I didn’t realize I owned. All those years of playing sport made me quite homed when you removed all the blubber hanging around it, and I had a moustache.
My hair was long and thick with drop curls that fell behind my ears with a luster girls dreamt of, but most of all for some reason now girls wanted me!
I was a “Hunk” as one girl said to me.
Pretty girls, older girls, started to notice me and it felt good to say the least. I was now not the fat kid in the back but the one the girls wanted to be with at parties and especially now my football was taking off they wanted to be known as the girlfriend of the guy who played for Port Adelaide.
It was great fun but for a shy guy who was tormented by the beautiful people most of his life it got a little too much. As a result it was also around this time I started to really go to town with the dark thoughts, and although I never hurt anyone, I would have visions and masturbate about holding three of them in my room and fucking them whenever I wanted to.
I was rapidly moving into my teens a handsome yet quietly depraved individual, but no-one but me had any idea what was going on inside my mind at this point. The tall handsome baby faced teenager was developing his internal dialogue of darkness.
I had a steady girl, a tall red head with milky white skin laced with delicate freckles that enticed me as I looked into her dark hazel eyes. But alas she dropped me like a rock for a guy with a car, so I went back to fantasy and sport my two life staples yet again as the pressure to perform on the field was greater than ever if I wanted to become the star I had always dreamt I would one day become.
I became entrenched in my sport and through my teams I was able to meet other like minded young men, and it seems we were pretty much all cut from the same cloth as my mother would say. It was my sport that ultimately introduced my young growing mind to drugs and “Gangys”: (young girls that didn’t fit in with the normal society groups, most of them from broken homes and in low income areas.)
There roll was to let the high achiever boys do whatever they liked to them. This had a social stigma but it allowed the girls a way they could be feel like they belonged to part of such an important social group. They were treated like royalty around the club and given the best seats at games as well as being allowed in the rooms straight after games while we showered and changed.
I remember vividly the night I had my first hand job from a girl called Cheryl, she was average to look at and very easy to forget but she dressed like a slut and she would get free dope and acid at our parties so she was always there. She fumbled with my fly and took my already large member out and gasped as she held it.
I was a big boy in more ways than one! She smiled and stroked me while I rubbed my hands all over her body but mainly her panty covered ass. She kissed me and I shot into her hand a gusher of jizz, and one pulse saw a glob hit her face just on her top lip. She didn’t make a sound, just licked her lip and bent down to clean the rest off of my now spent and receding stiffness.
Lifting her head up she lent in and kissed me, I went off, my head spinning and my mind full of thoughts swirled as my flaccid meat went ridged in her hand.
Cheryl laughed and I pushed her face on my cock and fucked her orifice hard and fast. She tried to get away but I just held her there until I felt her teeth on my rod like member. I didn’t flinch, exploded hard and savoured the moment; I lifted her off and threw her aside like a rag doll.
She cried and said she was going to get someone to sort me out, but I laughed at her and called her a drugged up no good slut and told her to piss off as I put my little man away and went to get another beer.
It wasn’t me but the thought of what she did to me sent a tingle to the base of my ball sack and still to this day makes me as hard as a rock. I still recall that image in my head at times when I jerk off even now all these years later, but now I know it’s the power as much as the sex that drove my erection and ultimate release.
It wasn’t until a couple of years later that I finally settled with a girl and thought I was in love, mainly because she was sucking my cock on a regular basis. I was a star in my chosen sport and by the time I was eighteen I was a hero, fit tall and handsome, with an air of vulnerability about me that chicks dug. Little did they know it was all just a rouse, I remembered what my old headmaster said, “Keep it under control” I learned that loved to manipulate people, or should I say, I love to manipulate people. Using their fears and emotions!
I use comedy to annihilate people in a fun way and learned to be the centre of attention but deflect the meaning behind it. I could come and go easily but never really be memorable for any of it except they would miss me if I wasn’t there at times.
And then in the blink of an eye my sporting career ended in a cloud of pain and anguish just six months later.
I blew out both knees in a game that will go down in history as a major turning point in my life.
After reconstructive surgery, and a year of rehabilitation to learn to walk properly again I came out of my dream, but my chosen job was starting to show signs of advancement, so I put all the energy I would have used in my sport into my work and it paid off, I was remarkably good at doing what they wanted me to do..
I was also still in my stable relationship at this time and she was pretty with ambition, so I decided I would ask her to marry me. Not unheard of in the eighties and being only nineteen I popped the question and married her twelve months later.
I was in heaven, I was getting as much sex as I wanted and I was in control. I worked my ass off twelve hour days, Saturdays as well for three years to pay off our bank loans and by twenty three I was debt free!
I didn’t owe anyone anything!
Now you would think that’s amazing, and it was, no debt money coming out of my arse to buy whatever I wanted and I did, but it was at this time my dark thoughts surfaced once again.
My wife was working nights and weekends even though she didn’t need to anymore and my life became almost sterile, to a degree I was again invisible to the world at large. Because of this my weight spiralled out of control and I put on fifteen kilograms in as many weeks and I fell into a depression of my own making and ultimately I was a victim of Bulimia.
I would hire videos, yes VCR’s and masturbate myself raw while crying, then after gorging on whatever food I had bought or could find, because I was lonely, I would purge and do it all again.
My pain was evident to me only and not to anyone else. I was becoming sheltered and resented my wife bitterly for not being there for me. She was obsessed with money and worked to save and save and save. Me I just wanted to live, enjoy the life I had worked for this and I wanted to travel the world, see things I had never thought I would, and explore the world.
Then as if planned one day it happened again, a knock at my door and a beautiful young blonde who was selling paintings or something, I can’t really remember because I was looking at her intently with thoughts of bondage and sex running through my mind.
I remember vividly because it was a stinking hot day and she looked absolutely beat. I asked her inside where it was cool, and I offered her a large ice cold drink as further enticement, to which d she said “that would be great”.
I watched as she walked past me, her odor the first thing that hit me, a sweet, musky smell of hot woman that sent a spark to my aching ball sacks. She sat and after a little small talk I found out her name was Olga. She was an art student back packing around Australia and she did this door to door sales job to pay for her travels and accommodation. I offered her the tall glass of cold water, ice cubes clinking as she took the receptacle from me and some of the ice fluid spilled down her front over her breast.
Her right nipple reacted immediately to the cold water and air rushing past it from the evaporative air-conditioning and she never once thought to cover up or blush at the outcome. We started talking and I asked her some inane questions when out of the blue she said smiling, “Look mister If I blow you will you buy one of my paintings please, I need the money”
My answer was thus “How about I give you two hundred bucks and we shower and fuck like rabbits.” She smiled again and took my hand as we walked to the bathroom.
Let’s just say the sex was great I don’t need to go into details here because it is only part of the story. She was so pretty naked and only a couple of years younger than me and with her northern European skin so white and pure like porcelain I was transfixed to the water flowing over her.
I could have stared at her for hours naked she was just that amazingly beautiful. We chatted after and she went on her way back into the now almost darkness that had fallen, and to her backpacker hotel a couple of hundred bucks richer and I hope satisfied. I never saw her again, but the memory of that incident fuelled another fiction in my mind as I fucked my wife that night when she came home late.
“Wow your hard tonight” she had said to me.
I remember because my cock actually ached as I was remembering my meeting with Olga but in my mind the outcome was completely different.
The fantasy was much darker and sinister with me knocking her unconscious and ripping her clothes off, raping her in every hole and then using her panties to strangle her as I was inside her. I exploded in my wife just as my fantasy came to an end and I was literally spent.
Lying next to her I started to talk to myself internally about what I was feeling and thinking, I could not hurt someone could I?
The feeling was overwhelming and I could feel my organ filling with blood yet again. It was the thought of the power over another human being that was the turn on, the sex really was just a means to an end. What was I thinking, could I do it, I can’t, I just can’t this is wrong, I should have a stop valve to not allow me to think of these things.
I laid there contemplating life as I moved my left hand to my wife ass and gave it a little rub; she made a noise but then drifted off again. My sanity was prevailing but for how much longer I could not say!
Needless to say that my marriage to my first wife ended some three years later with us trying to have a family and start to enjoy life, but the renewed madness that comes from frustration knowing you can never have children sent her over the edge.
I really tried I did, I never did anything bad after that night with Olga and I put to bed my dark urges. The depression that followed the breakup and ultimate divorce was a trigger but I had no mental bullets left.
Chapter 2 – The middle years
Let’s just say that my first marriage was a great platform for the ongoing period of my life for a little while from here on in.
Why do I say this? Well after my divorce I hit the darkest days of my life for a period, and because I didn’t really know what I wanted now that my life was fucked up suicide was on the table for a period, because I just could not console myself against the things I did to create a feeling of love lost within my relationship.
I knew deep down I was a big part of why the marriage failed, but never the less I felt deep heart ache, and I had thoughts and desires that transcended humanity itself at times and apart from work, I spent my time smoking and drinking myself to an early grave.
That is until one alcohol infused night I had a dream that turned my life around.
The dream was me floating in a tank suspended in fluid with drains and pipes attached to me, a device on my face that was breathing for me. I felt useless, utterly un-empowered and a husk of a man, that could not even breath for himself, and people all around pointing and laughing at me as I floated unable to communicate that I alive inside my watery confines.
I awoke a different man the next day, I shaved, and I even made and ate breakfast for the first time in months, dressed for work and bounded in to my workplace a different man from the one that existed for the previous six years.
I was confident and assured of myself and I was coming to terms with who I was as a person. My demeanour on the outside was charming and I reverted to my manipulating best. I became the best I could at everything I touched but with an air of aloofness that saw me the man in charge but still one of the team.
I used this knowledge and inbuilt attribute at night as I frequented and trawled for women at the Adelaide casino. A tall empowered but vulnerable twenty seven year old man with a baby face and a dark glint in his eye I found was very much welcome in this environment and as such I befriended many and knew none; I was a quick study in the way of people and used my time here to hone my techniques.
Money for me was tight at this stage because I had lost half of everything I worked for thus far, with a house again to pay for and bills again that ate into spending and savings, but not elusive to a player of people, I was a master of the lonely wife or aging single woman.
I sat at the roulette table with my customary one hundred dollars in chips and lost most of them in a ten minute streak of obvious bad luck. I huffed, sighed to myself stood and corrected my tie and jacket as I went to leave when a tall leggy brunette, well dressed and possibly in her mid forties passed me a stack of her chips, looking straight in my eyes she said “here babe play with these and if you win, keep the winnings all I want is my investment back.”
I nodded and held my hand out to her, “Charles is my name and I am more than flattered but I can’t accept your offer” I held the line of dialogue open waiting for her to finish my sentence.
“Stephanie, my name is Stephanie, you my dear boy can call me Steph if it pleases you, and this is not a request it’s an order!” she said eyes glinting in the extreme light of the ornate chandeliers.
My heart missed a beat she was amazing, beautiful and confident beyond belief.
“But what if I lose it all” I asked my newly acquainted friend.
“Well there are other ways to collect, are there not”
I stumbled and looked coyly at her with an air of shy bravado that seemed to make her even more elated than I knew she already was. You see she thought she was the one with the power but I knew different.
To cut a long story short over the next hour I used Stephs’ money to my best advantage and made myself a tidy profit of just over three thousand dollars while using her money.
Needless to say I left her house at six am for work in the same clothes after an amazing night of intimacy and love making that went on until well after four in the morning. I let her feel as though she played the young man and ended up with what she wanted, but I got everything I planned for that night and continued to do so with varying women for the next six months.
I would play with their money win pocket the difference and if I lost I still got to please them in such a way as they would then pimp me out to their girlfriends, sometimes I would have two or more at once which was fun for an egotistical twenty six year old.
I had to stop this after the six months as I was quickly becoming that which I did not want to be, I was visible, and not the ghost I started out being and wanting to be. I started a new relationship with a younger woman at work; I needed to consolidate myself as a family man, and at the same time was offered a position in the United Kingdom at a green field start up sight for the company I was working for.
Marriage and a move later, I am a thirty something in a new country with a whole set of new people to learn about. Sex for me in this new country was as easy as opening my mouth, being an Aussie in the UK was all the rage in the nineties and the woman wanted to bed one married or single.
All I had to do to get laid was speak, and I could not keep up with myself as I tallied up my conquests. They were all inadequate and not worth much but as it turned out it were a place to enjoy the bodies and flesh of some beautiful English roses.
I also found out they loved my fetish and some would parade in their panties for me before sex, or keep them on for me during sex, gotta love the English girls. Then one day it all changed, my wife was pregnant and I was going to be a father so I needed to buckle down and disappear again back into an invisible life of the normal family man.
The next few years were so compliant from me it wasn’t funny, I was a dad and a husband of such equal measure no-one could have guessed my inner thoughts at night and on the new thing called the internet, on chat rooms like ICQ was quietly feeding my burning inner addiction for power and sex. I had three slaves who would do anything I asked and they would take pictures and post them back to me showing all sorts of depraved acts. One had a beer bottle in her ass while she was using a dildo, and another sent me pics of herself being abused analy by some guy, while handcuffed to a frame. As I say it’s not the sex that was enticing but the power I held over them to do my bidding.
This kept up for a further two years before I met up with Jenny.
I had met her through ICQ and she was a beautiful African American girl of twenty one who was studying in Cambridge for three months as part of her studies. I met her in a hotel just outside of Cambridge and her special fetish had me intrigued, she loved to reach orgasm at the same time as she was being gently strangled. I found this totally stimulating we had all the upfront foreplay and she started with the “do me now” speak so I moved behind her and using a scarf gently pulled it tight as I was fucking her, she went mad and I could feel her getting worked up more and more telling me, “Tighter, tighter” so I did just a little and I could hear her struggling for air but she told me more so I did and just as her pussy tightened and she came she collapsed on the bed, passed out, or dead I did not know.
I reached around looking for a pulse and sure enough her heart was still beating fast, I noticed my cock was rock hard with the excitement and I entered the now unmoving body and used every hole I could, her vagina, ass and mouth, I didn’t last long and before you could say bingo I let a huge wad of seamen loose in her warm yet un flinching vagina. She came around moments later and noticed I had cum in her and she smiled and said, “Get off on that did we baby”. I looked at her and said “yes I did but not until you were out to it sorry, I didn’t think you would pass out!” and with that she got all upset and started to put her clothes on. I looked at her puzzled, “what did I do wrong” I asked with genuine unknowing. “You fucked me when I was out of it you sick fucker! That’s what’s wrong.” She yelled at me. “I don’t get it, I screw you and strangle you, and that’s ok! but if I finish after you pass out then I’m the sick one?” I yelled back. She looked at me and said “I have a fetish, not a need to be a fuck toy for a necrophiliac!” and she stormed out of the room and slammed the door.
I sat unknowing and thought about what she said, and yes it wasn’t the sex or the feeling of her warmth around my cock that did the job, but the fact that I could use her for whatever purpose I wanted.
My dream from when I was ten years old flooded my mind and I smiled a ten year old smile filled with wonderment and naughtiness. “Now that’s what I like” I said aloud to myself and I looked in the mirror on the wall. Looking back at me for the first time in over thirty five years was a man who knew what he liked and it took a twenty five year old memory of a dream and a stupid bitch to realize it.
I had found my love in life and there was no way my loving wife would play dead for me even though our sex since the birth of my daughter Jessica has pretty much been roll on roll off. I wondered and then shook my head no! I needed her, I loved her but she could never give me all I required that was now plainly obvious to me.
My return to Australia and six years behind me in the UK had opened my eyes to so much about me and my life. I was now for the first time actively looking for a submissive so I could live out my fantasies. My job saw me travel extensively to both Melbourne and Sydney with overnight stays so I sought out a network of women that I could have power over and do what I liked. In the mean time I had another daughter Louise and a sex life at home that was so rudimentary that it was border line hardly worth it at all.
All of this brings me up to now and yes ten years on from my return to Australia I have a great job, a thriving family of a wife and two beautiful and amazing daughters, one who is as smart as a whip and the other talented in the ways of music but she is yet to fully realize it at this point in her young life.
My wife says I dote on them too much but it’s a fathers’ prerogative to want the best for his children, especially his daughters. I would kill for them and protect them with my entire being, they are a part of me and that I can never lose.
My only concern is that my unique fetish with willing participants that I have all over the country is now going to have to go on the back burner and I need to be nondescript yet again at forty eight.
Why? I hear you ask, well as I said when we started this journey I find myself sitting in my car with an amazingly young dead unnatural blonde corpse in my lap and a raging hard on!
Copyright - Graeme Hawke 2014
Chapter 3 – The Knowing of self
Holy shit I actually killed her, she made me! No, I made me! Damn this is what I wanted all along, isn’t it, shit oh well at least now I have my toy.
Damn I better move quickly her slack body is starting to leak fluids from every orifice. Oh Shit I have nothing to use.
(Panic is setting in, breathing getting fast and erratic, slow down son don’t lose it now not after all these years, this is what we have been working for)
Ok the drive to North Haven is only a short distance from here; I’m in the back streets of Mansfield Park just behind the football oval. I drive my foot is shaking and the car is starting to stink up a tad of dead girl. Shit I came in her mouth before I strangled her, my DNA is all over and in her. I can’t keep this one; she has me all over her maybe even hair and skin plus seamen shit. Those little bastards stay alive for hours and are probably having a field day with all the fluid in her throat.
Ok a white cliff, that’s where I need to go, it’s still light! Gotta ring the wife before she gets suspicious, where’s the phone.
“Hey babe……Yeah I am working late tonight on that tender should be home by no later than eight ok?” “Ok, I’ll get some bread and fresh milk from the servo on the way home……ok……..Love you too”
Ok that’s done. Drive Charles, seat is down so it looks like she’s asleep on the seat.
(Damn dead girl is sexy; I might just have a play with her while I drive)
Radio! Put the radio on let’s get some music here; I can’t believe I killed her, did I kill her, yep she’s dead. Wow I feel electric, iPod that’s what I need some Slipknot or Manson. Ok, Manson it is the new CD, awesome stuff.
Some wanker in a blue commodore looking at me.
(What are you looking at dipshit, never seen a guy sing to himself in a car with a dead chick before)
He can’t see her anyway she all laid back and out of view, mmm her panties are all soaked, I wonder if she is still warm. Little bit but the pussy is all slack. Oh dear she is getting smelly.
(How do I get that smell of death out of the car? Clean it, yes there is a car wash up the road from where I’m gonna dump her.)
Good the darkness is staring to settle in now, ok pull off here and drive to the end then turn right, “I’m running from the bloodless for all of my crimes, Shun the light, shun the light” I love this song.
Almost there now don’t panic son keep it together, remember what the old man told you breathe in through the nose out the mouth in steady breaths. That’s how you maximize your oxygen intake, she’s not, (ha, ha) I made myself laugh.
Ok now I gotta lift her out of the passenger seat, shit this is what they mean by dead weight, fuck she’s only fifty kilos but it feels like a tone.
(Noise, outside, what was that nothing – I’m getting paranoid)
Nothing there dickhead, ok out the car move we gotta get her out and dumped before someone notices what I’m doing. Ok under the arms, Oh Yuk what’s that bile dripping down her chin, oh god that’s disgusting. Right lets be getting her clothes of, trainers first, socks, undo her dress and take it, oh stained pink panties.
(Do I want to one last time?)
I’ve undressed her and wiped all the excess fluids away with some toilet paper I always keep in the car a habit my father got me into.
As I entered the lifeless orifice I laughed and thought of my wife this is pretty much our sex life minus the raging hard on I have now.
Oh my its cool and rubbery, but it’s nice, I ended her life and she is no more, I did that, and as I remembered killing her I emptied the contents of my balls in her dead muff.
(Shit lost control, gotta get on with the task at hand)
Petrol I need petrol, the five litre can in the back for emergencies will do just fine. Make a pile with her clothes and douse it good, Now I need a depression so the body will burn, piece of timber in the boot, I’ll drag that and make a shallow depression and put her in , um hey I know, dry grass and twigs lots of twigs, damn this is hot work, I might just lose some weight if I keep this up. Ok that’s enough kindling, now the timber on top, douse it good.
(Shit what am I doing?)
Ok place her on top, where is that funnel I had, that’s better now pour some down her throat and fill her stomach and lungs, fill her pussy and ass as well so it will go up and destroy all DNA I may have left behind.
(Use the fishing knife you have in the back)
That’s it I’ll make an incision in the stomach and fill her up as well.
Damn I stink of petrol now, fuck it how am I going to explain that.
(Easy fill the car up on the way home and tell her you spilled some as you overfilled it)
That’s it, easy she will believe that, this is so much fun.
Ok now a match, my kingdom for a match.
(I’m hungry maybe I’ll pick up same Maccas on the way home and a Sundae for the girls.)
Whoosh, up ya go darling, and thanks for the fun.
Car, now, drive gotta get out of here before they send someone to investigate. Take the back streets, no stick to the main roads they will be searching the back streets once this hits.
(What I didn’t see was the body burning, the body of the lifeless girl explodes in flames fueled by the petrol I had filled her with, flames exploded from every orifice and it wasn’t long before she was starting to disintegrate with the generated heat. Such a lovely little thing she was.)
Fill the car up, that’s it whistle while you do it smile and stay calm, pull into the shell and act normal, pop the tank, look around and yawn looking at your watch and fill it with unleaded, forty two thousand three hundred and twenty seven kilometers was on the odometer that I would have to remember, over and over I reapeat it to myself.
Full ok now spill some on purpose so the attendant can see you clean it up.
“Oh shit” that’s it make a scene “damn all over my trousers and shoes”. They are all watching good.
“You ok buddy” a young ‘P’ plate driver asks me.
“Yep but I’m gonna stink now, the wife is going to be upset with me” I laugh with him and walk in the servo to pay using my petrol card. I remembered the odometer as well.
“Sweetheart, yes I know its seven twenty love……………aha, yep…oh hay you will need to soak my clothes when I get home too, I had a spill with the petrol as I was filling up……….yep socks as well………of course, oh do the girls want a sundae? I am stopping at maccas……………………ok two chocolate fudge, see ya soon babe…..yea I love you too.”
Phew that’s that, now just to get the stuff on the way home and take a shower.
It’s a balmy night thank Christ I can leave the windows down, I need to wipe the seats too I forgot, hand towels, baby wipes, late night woolies is open until nine pm, it’s on the way.
The radio is on “I’m a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride, I’m wanted……wannnteedd dead or alive” I love this song; don’t care much for Bonjovi but this song is a classic.
Ok, park pop in and straight out, mmm doughnuts one ninety-nine for six, ok for later when I’m watching the walking dead I taped. Pay now leave, let’s move next stop maccas, I wonder if she’s all gone or if they found her yet, it’s only been twenty minutes.
Sirens in the distance maybe they found her, late news will tell me.
“Welcome to McDonalds how can I help you” the fresh voice said from a speaker as I pulled up.
“I’ll have a Big Mac with cheese large size, diet coke and four chocolate hot fudge sundaes please” I finished
“Drive to the first window that will be sixteen fifty thanks” she finished
Driving up to the window, pay cash not credit that way there is no transaction that can tie me here, Shit the phone call they can triangulate or something and tell where I was. Shut up and concentrate.
“Fifty cents change, drive to the next window please” the spotty fifteen year old said to me.
The items were passed to me and I placed them on the back seat.
Now for the drive home, and clean the seat as I drive. It’s not that bad and the car smells like babies bum instead of dead teen which is a bonus.
I am starving; I’ll eat some fries on the way. Phone ringing.
“Hello mate haw are you? ……….good………..nup just heading home now………..the weekend, no problem……..coffee Saturday after the gym……….same place, cool ok buddy see you then.”
He is such a nice guy a tad geeky but he is a fab friend is Steve.
Punch the garage door key and up she goes, glide in and shut off the engine, mmm how to get all the stuff inside now. The door opened from the house to the garage, “Lou how are you baby” I said.
She eyed me up and saw the chocolate sundaes and said. “I love you dad, can I carry them please.”
“I suppose but be very careful there is one each and if you want you can have a couple of my fries” I finished as I handed her the tray with the gooey goodness and I slipped some fries in her open awaiting mouth like a father Magpie feeding his young.
“Fanks Jad” she said as she led the way inside the house.
I kissed Susan my wife. “Damn you stink, get those clothes off this minute.” She said as she took my brief case and burger bag from me.
As I was getting undressed I had an air of normality hit me for the first time in a couple of hours, the previous three hours were so surreal to me as if I watched a movie of me killing and fucking a corpse, then burning the evidence away. Gotta love five years of watching the CI channel to give me all the information I need to not get caught.
I slipped into a top and some shorts and went back to the kitchen and sat eating my burger, watching my family devour the ice treats.
“Busy day love” Susan said smiling.
I looked at her thinking, she knows something, but the puzzled look on her face told me otherwise. I smiled and a mouthful of half chewed burger spilled out into view which made Lou laugh out aloud. “Oh dad Yuk” she said.Life is good!
Chapter 4 – Getting away with murder
“A body was found just after eight pm tonight in a shallow ditch, one kilometer south of Outer harbor, the body is being taken to Adelaide forensics building to hopefully identify the victim.”
“On a lighter note the handbag affair that has local offi……….”
OK turn that down, don’t want to give anyone ideas just yet, The cops wont know what’s what at the moment yet anyway, the details will be all under wraps until they work the scene, look for any evidence, and then publish about one tenth of the details.
“Shit!” I didn’t try and hide the tread marks on the tires!
“What’s the matter love?” Susan said hearing my outburst.
“Oh nothing I just remembered I need new tires soon and that’s about five hundred bucks we don’t necessarily have.” She nodded and carried on cleaning up the kitchen.
I’ll do it later, but not just yet, if I act to quickly they might trace the tread marks back to a make and model and then find me. (No they won’t, they have no motive and no suspect)
That’s right I’m not a criminal I don’t exist on any data bases anywhere, so far my life has been squeaky clean. I smiled and blew a kiss to Susan as I turned to look at her at the sink.
“Are you coming to bed babe?” she asked my quietly as she finished her clean up and placed the red and blue checked tea towel back on the oven hand rail.
“Na I think I’ll just sit and finish watching the news first hun” I replied back to her, but I won’t be watching the TV for long.
She came over kissed me out of habit more than anything and made her way to the bedroom up the hallway. The audible click of the bedroom door closing led me to the computer, right, check emails, nothing, face book, a few likes and shit but as usual it’s a load of crap. Anyone who can tell me otherwise is a demented teenager, Face book is crap and just a way for people to stay out of arms reach and post crap and food pics!
Ok Porn time, onto chaturbate and watch all those lovely little things doing whatever for money, that’s more like it. Hello daddy, the little fella is ready and willing, and the open air feels good around my shaft.
(Slowly don’t be in a rush now, but damn she is cute though, take it baby, oh yes that’s it. Concentrate Charlie, don’t unload yet, but she is so hot, oh that’s a girl take it all, make her gag on it.)
OH yes that’s it take it all over your face baby.
Always a mess, but always a release.
Ok turn it off and get ready for bed, big day tomorrow, I might need to arrange a trip interstate, I need to spend more time with Marcus so he is up to speed with the new project. That’s what I’ll do spend some time with a friend and work colleague. That way I still look like a good guy and business man. I wiped up the spent mess from my hand and shut the computer and made my way in darkness to my comfortable bed. My god she is already snoring like a rhino with a sinus infection, lucky I can sleep through her rumblings. (Yawn!) Oh well I can always fix that one day, but not yet the girls are far too young still.
Eyes opening, the face of that young girl she’s looking up at me with my meat in her mouth. That’s it baby take it all. My cock is getting hot, what’s going on, her face is melting the heat, my cock is on fire, I scream!
Jolted awake I am trembling and sweating.
“Are you ok love” Susan asks as she pats my arm.
“Yep all good love” I whisper back to her.
Damn that was weird, I have never had such an intense feeling in my dreams before, and this is new. Guilt I wonder, conscience maybe? I don’t know which, but if I can relive the murders in my mind like this, damn who needs porn, my knob is the size of a babies forearm, and tight like its fit to burst.
Back to sleep with you Charles you’re up early for the gym remember, that’s it drift off and remember.
That stopped it. Five thirty am I slowly get up and get dressed into my well laid out clothes and grab my already packed gym bag. Trying to be as quiet as possible I crept out and got in the red Kia Rio six speed manual parked in the drive way.
The drive to the gym was quiet and my mind still tired from the restless night. I spent a solid hour on the cross trainer with my mind empty and not thinking about anything I burned calories and worked out, lifting and pushing heavy weight around making muscles and ligaments ache.
A young girl walked in, Amanda I think her name is, she is so fit and has the arse of a ten year old boy and fake tits that make her shape more pronounced. She waves and acknowledges me as I disarm her with my you can trust me smile.
I know I am a large guy but I am not unattractive and my smile is my best asset, I can make people feel at ease with a few well placed words or blend in with a crowd easily if I have to, even though I am as tall as I am. Ok wave finished now getting my bag I walk out the door.
On the drive home I thought about the previous night and that I really should pay more attention to my strength exercise so I can pick up the dead weights. A smile blooms over my face.
It was so easy, so damn easy, I bet I could do one in the morning as well if I played it right, have to be random though, no plan or pattern or they will trace me. No sex either no chance of DNA to catch me with, just the thrill of the kill. Amanda was in the gym already, no not her to obvious, needs to be away from here and quick so I can get to here and have an alibi between home and here.
Age, sex, does it matter, yes it matters the young ones are so cute. They run and walk early all the time of the day as well, and they all have those iPhones wedged firmly in their ears with music blearing.
We’ll see, keep driving ya sick bastard.
Drive home feels so good the wet and still cool of the summer morning made my hair stand on edge with a chill but I always find it to be a pick me up after I have worked out so hard and although a bit stinky, it always feels good. I do need a bath, the rest of the drive was quiet except for the mumblings of the morning radio talk show hosts laughing and carrying on. I park up and go inside; Susan is in the shower and just steps out naked just as I walk in the bathroom.
“You up for some early morning fun.” I said as I smiled my sly smile and waved my still flaccid member at her.”
“C’mon babe jump in the bath with daddy”
“Leave me alone you idiot, I gotta get ready for work and your all smelly, and you are not my daddy.” she snapped back at me as she pushed my advances away.
“Fuck you then” I whispered as I slid under the warm bath water.
“What! so it’s my problem I don’t want to jump in the bath with you so you can stick that thing in me and satisfy yourself, bla bla bla bla bla.” I switched off as usual and just said, “Whatever you stuck up bitch”
She dried off and creamed up and I made her watch me masturbate in the warm bath as she did her hair, calling out other women’s names, as I came.
“Feel better now you psycho” she said
“As a matter of fact I do you cold hearted bitch! God forbid you get horny at all and if it’s not on your back in bed with a fucking mask on your eyes we don’t do anything, GOD forbid you ever suck me off, what’s it been twelve years!” I spat at her.
She started to cry and ran out of the bathroom, I wanted to show remorse for what I had said but I just couldn’t, I wanted to bash her face in truth be told.
I drained the soapy water and dried off, got myself dressed and left for work as soon as I could. I kissed a sleepy Lou on the head and yelled up to the other one still getting dressed.
I stole a glance at Susan and my lip curled as I walked out and got back in the car to start my day at work.
Stupid bitch! Who does she think she is, if she doesn’t like it then she can piss off? I earn all the cash anyway her measly pittance wouldn’t keep her in gym clothes and shoes for a week.
I hate driving while I am annoyed because it makes me an angry driver; I need to subdue my senses for a while, radio that will do it, inane comedic morning radio. I calmed myself down whilst singing along to some old eighties tune.
“This is the seven o’clock news. Police are investigating a murder last night when the body of a young woman was found burning in a shallow ditch north of Adelaide, there are no details at this stage and police are asking for witnesses to come forward if they saw anything suspicious in the North Haven area between five pm and eight pm last night. At this time cause of death is……………” Ignoring the rest I drifted back to the night before and a wicked smile spread across my lips. Looking in the rear view mirror I had an epiphany, I would love my new life, a blend of being a dad and some sort of husband and continue to enjoy my new hobby, it’s been a long time since I smiled a true heartfelt smile, and not just some painted face for the world to see. I suddenly understood the reason why “The Joker” in Batman is such a revered villain.
It’s because he loves what he does!
The rest of the day went off without a hitch, phone calls meetings, people I would rather kill than listen too, maybe I might do one of them at work, that could be interesting but too close to home, that would be like doing the missus, they would look at me first, they always do. No random need to keep it random. Don’t get me wrong I love my job and most of the people there, but some of them are just oxygen thieves.
I packed up and said good night to all that were left and Paul, nice guy one of the originals, him I wouldn’t kill, asked if I wanted a fag before I go home.
More to the point he wanted someone to talk to while he had a smoke before heading back home as well. We discussed all things work and even had a game of keep or kill which was fun because it shows we all have the thoughts, but only some of us act on it.
I patted him on the back as we walked across the still slightly green grass to our cars and bid him goodnight. Better not let the bitch catch me with smoke on my breath, ok gum in the console, two sticks, oh and I have orange Tic Tacs. That will hide it long enough to get some mouthwash in there.
I really don’t know why I bother she doesn’t get close enough to smell my breath, the last time we really kissed was years ago, and even then she was pissed up.
Ok music for the ride home, Slipknot or Ugly Kid Joe? I know I could do with a little pick me up so some old fashion hip hop rap, H-Block I love the Power it’s an awesome pick me up tune.
The evening was as uneventful as it ever was, Susan watching more inane television, something about Top Models and then those stupid Kardashians. I cooked tea for my babies and had a salad with some grilled chicken, tomato, lettuce and a few other yummy bits. In all the night passed and I went to bed thinking about how great the next morning would be; I had a plan you see.
The alarm went off at five fifteen, I have my gym bag and a tucked neatly inside was a small rope I found in the garage, it’s about fifteen inches long and very thin with short fibers and a three ply from what I could tell last night.
I knotted it about three inches apart in the center to dig in the esophagus when I tighten it, and I have a half inch dowel tied about eight inches around from the knot to use as a fulcrum as I twist it tighter.
Ok take off the house is quiet, go left not right and don’t do anything stupid, my mind is racing, my palm sweaty, and my cock is bulging in my shorts. The weather is balmy so they should be in lightweight clothes. I drive for a couple of minutes and pass a woman to the left, too old; you could see the cellulite in her thighs through her tights, Yuk. A little further on a little brunette, jogging with headphones, I drive past not glancing sideways, up ahead is a new housing development and that black covering on the fence so you can’t see behind it.
This is it, drive around to the right, my heart is racing, stop, turn it off and get out, my hoodie up and the rope concealed in my gloved hands. There is a gap in the fence and the black covering makes it almost a perfect spot. A car the other way, ducking now to keep out of sight, lucky she has the iPod going can’t hear a thing. She jogs past, now, its gotta be now! I slide out and grab her by the mouth and upper chest, she fights but I’m too big too strong, I drag her back behind the blackness and in the morning moonlight I can see the fight in her eyes and the determined look of a woman who thinks she will fight me off.
I move behind her and place a knee in the small of her back keeping her off balance and my hand on her mouth. Her neck is almost at full extension, she fights but the lack of oxygen is slowing her down. I reach back and place a sock in her mouth and the rope around her neck, my adrenaline is pumping my left hand was fondling her all over, under her top in her shorts and finding every hole with my deft fingers. I had her out cold still a pulse though, good I had a condom in my pocket ready and as she relaxed I pulled her shorts down exposing her expertly trimmed and waxed vagina, as I slide in she starts to breath heavy so I place the rope around her throat and with each hand spread out pulling sideways the thin expertly made rope tightened around her windpipe. As she struggled the rope tightened more and the choking and gasping sounds from her nose and sock stuffed throat started to dissipate. With wide knowing eyes she saw my face in the throes of my final slide inside and out her body, fear looked up at me as she pleaded with her extinguishing eyes and as I exploded in her warmth she stopped breathing and her eyes rolled back into her head.
A shudder came over me and the thrill of the act meant I was a happy camper but I also felt cheated that it was over; I had to get sorted and leave before the sun started to rise.
I left the rope behind and the condom on my penis pulled up my pants and got into the car. Drive slowly, no lights not yet, I move into a side street and flick on my lights, taking the back roads around to my gym from the other direction. The condom was falling off my withered member so I grabbed it and tied it off and left it under the front seat. I parked in my usual spot let myself in as its one of those twenty four hour gyms and do my usual routine.
“Morning Bruce, how are ya mate” I said to an aging man in his fifties. Morning Charlie early isn’t it?” he replied.
“No it’s only five forty” I said back smiling and verbally noting the time so it was stamped in his subconscious if he was ever asked. As far as my wife was concerned this morning I awoke at five thirty as usual because I sneakily put the clock forward in the bedroom so she would think it was the usual time.
I worked out for an hour, went home for a bath as usual and dropped the condom out the window on the way home, it would be road kill in an hour anyway as cars drive over it so that was taken care of.
My bath was hot and uneventful and I didn’t even react when Susan came in naked for her shower.
“What not going to try and rape me again this morning” she said with a scowl on her face. I just looked at her and said. “No need, I got all I needed at the gym this morning” as I smiled she frowned but let it go.
If only she new! One day maybe but not today.
Copyright - Graeme Hawke 2014