The Knowing of Self - Chapter 3

Chapter 3 – The Knowing of self

Shit I killed her, she made me! No I made me! Damn this is what I wanted all along now I have my toy. Damn I better move quickly though her body is starting to leak the fluids of her life from every orifice.  Shit I have nothing to use.

(Panic is setting in, breathing getting fast and erratic, slow down son don’t lose it now not after all these years, this is what we have been working for)

Ok the drive to North Haven is only a short drive from here; I’m in the back streets of Mansfield Park just behind the football oval. I drive my foot is shaking and the car is starting to stink up a tad of dead girl. Shit I came in her mouth before I strangled her, my DNA is all over her. I can’t keep this one; she has me all over her maybe even hair and skin plus seamen all in her mouth. Those little bastards stay alive for hours and are probably having a field day with the fluid in her throat.

Ok a white cliff, that’s where I need to go its still light! Gotta ring the wife before she gets suspicious, where is my phone.

“Hey babe……Yeah I am working late tonight on that tender should be back by no later than eight ok?”  “Ok, I’ll get some milk from the servo on the way home………..Love you too”

Ok that’s done.

(Damn she was sexy; I might just have a play with her while I drive)

Radio on let’s get some music here; I can’t believe I killed her, did I kill her, yep she’s dead. Wow I feel electric, iPod that’s what I need some Slipknot or Manson. Ok, Manson it is the new CD, awesome stuff.

(What are you looking at dipshit, never seen a guy sing to himself in a car with a dead chick before)

He can’t see her anyway she all slumped down in the foot well of the passenger side just like a bag of shit. Speaking of shit damn she is getting smelly.

(How do I get that smell of death out of the car? Clean it, yes there is a car wash up the road from where I’m gonna dump her.)

Darkness is staring to settle in now, good ok pull off here and drive to the end then turn right, “I’m running from the bloodless for all of my crimes, Shun the light, shun the light” I love this song.

Almost there now don’t panic son keep it together, remember what the old man told you breathe in through the nose out the mouth in steady breaths. That’s how you maximize your oxygen intake, she’s not, (ha, ha) I made myself laugh. Now I gotta get her up so I can lift her out of the passenger seat, shit this is what they mean by dead weight, fuck she’s only fifty kilos but it feels like a tone.

(Noise, outside, what was that – I’m getting paranoid)

Nothing there dickhead, ok out the car move we gotta get her out and dumped before someone comes. Ok under the arms, Oh Yuk what’s that bile dripping down her chin, oh god that’s disgusting. Right get her clothes of, trainers first, socks, undo her jeans and pull them down, oh pink panties.

(Do I want to one last time?)

I undressed her and wiped all the excess fluids away with some toilet paper I always keep in the car a habit my father got me into.

As I entered the lifeless orifice I laughed and thought of my wife this is pretty much our sex life minus the raging hard on I have now. I ended her life and she is no more, I did that, and I emptied the contents of my balls in her dead muff.

(Shit lost control, gotta get on with the task at hand dickhead)

Petrol I need petrol, the five litre can in the back for emergencies will do just fine. Make a pile with her clothes and douse it good, Now I need a depression so the body will burn, piece of timber in the boot, I’ll drag that and make a shallow depression and put her in m hey I know, dry grass and twigs lots of twigs, This is hot work, I might just lose some weight if I keep this up. Ok that’s enough kindling, now the timber on top, douse it good.

(Shit what am I doing?)

Ok place her on top, where is that funnel I had, that’s better now pour some down her throat and fill her stomach and lungs, fill her pussy and ass as well so it will go up and destroy all DNA I may have left behind.

(Use the fishing knife you have in the back)

That’s it I’ll make an incision in the stomach and fill her up as well.

Damn I stink of petrol how am I going to explain that.

(Easy fill the car up on the way home and tell her you spilled some as you overfilled it)

That’s it, easy she will believe that, this is so much fun.

Ok now a match, my kingdom for a match. I’m hungry maybe I’ll pick up same maccas on the way home and a Sundae for the girls.

Whoosh, up ya go darling, and thanks for the fun.

Car, drive gotta get out of here before they send someone to investigate. Take the back streets, no stick to the main roads they will be searching the back streets once this hits.

(What I didn’t see was the body burning, the body of the lifeless girl explodes in flames fueled by the petrol I had filled her with, flames exploded from every orifice and it wasn’t long before she was starting to disintegrate with the generated heat. Such a lovely little thing she was.)

 Fill the car up and stay calm, pull into the shell and act normal, pop the tank and fill it with unleaded, forty two thousand three hundred and twenty seven kilometers was on the odometer that I would have to remember, over and over I reap it to myself.

Click

Full ok now spill some on purpose so the attendant can see you clean it up.

“Oh shit” that’s it make a scene “damn all over my trousers and shoes”. They are all watching good.

“you ok buddy” a young P plate driver asks me.

“Yep but I’m gonna stink now, the wife is going to be upset with me” I laugh with him and walk in the servo to pay using my petrol card. I remembered the odometer as well.

“Sweetheart, yes I know its seven twenty love……………aha, yep….hay you will need to soak my clothes when I get home I had a spill with the petrol as I was filling up……….yep socks as well………of course, oh do the girls want a sundae? I am stopping at maccas……………………ok two chocolate fudge, see ya soon babe…..yea I love you too.”

Phew that’s that now just to get the stuff on the way home and take a shower.

It’s a balmy night thank Christ I can leave the windows down, I need to wipe the seats too I forgot, hand towels, baby wipes, late night woolies is open until nine pm, it’s on the way. The radio is on “I’m a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride, I’m wanted……wannnteedd dead or alive” I love this song; don’t care much for Bonjovi but this song is a classic.

Ok park pop in and straight out, mmm doughnuts one ninety-nine for ten, ok for later when I’m watching the walking dead I taped. Pay now leave, let’s move next stop maccas,  I wonder if shes all gone or if they found her yet, it’s only been twenty minutes.

Sirens in the distance maybe they found her, late news will tell me.

“Welcome to McDonalds how can I help you” the fresh voice said from a speaker as I pulled up.

“I’ll have a Big Mac with cheese large size, diet coke and four chocolate hot fudge sundaes please” I finished

“Drive to the first window that will be twenty one fifty thanks” she finished

Driving up pay cash not receipt transaction that way.

“Fifty cents change, drive to the next window please” the spotty fifteen year old said to me.

The items were passed to me and I placed them on the back seat.

Now for the drive home, and clean the seat as I drive. It’s not that bad and the car smells like babies bum instead of dead teen which is a bonus.

I am starving, I’ll eat some fries on the way. Phone ringing.

“hello mate haw are you? ……….good………..nup just heading home now………..the weekend, no problem……..coffee Saturday after the gym……….same place, cool ok buddy see you then.”

He is such a nice guy a tad geeky but he is a fab friend is Simon.

Punch the garage door key and up she goes, glide in and shut off the engine, mmm how to get all the stuff inside now. The door opened from the house to the garage, “Lou how are you baby” I said.

She eyed me up and saw the chocolate sundaes and said. “I love you dad, can I carry them please.”

“I suppose but be very careful there is one each and if you want you can have a couple of my fries” I finished as I handed her the tray with the gooey goodness and I slipped some fries in her open awaiting mouth like a father Magpie feeding his young.

“Fanks Jad” she said as she led the way inside the house.

I kissed Susan my wife. “Damn you stink get those clothes off this minute.” She said as she took my brief case and burger bag from me. Getting undressed I had an air of normality hit me for the first time in a couple of hours, the previous three hours were so surreal to me as if I watched a movie of me killing and fucking a corpse, then burning the evidence away. Gotta love five years of watching the CI channel to give me all the information I need to not get caught.

I slipped into a top and some shorts and went back to the kitchen and sat eating my burger, watching my family devour the ice treats.

“Busy day love” Susan said smiling.

I looked at her thinking, she knows something, but the puzzled look on her face told me otherwise. I smiled and a mouthful of half chewed burger spilled out into view which made Lou laugh out aloud. “oh dad Yuk” she said.

Life is good!

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